nehemiah's prayer

nehemiah's heart went out to the people in jerusalem (because of their great trouble and shame?). he loved them so that he wept and mourned and fasted and prayed. for days. his heart is with the people,.. what a great testimony of his leadership.. that he wasn't so far above them that he could actually stop and recognize his own sin of acting corruptly and not keeping commandments.

he IS one of the people, it seems, to have that degree of connection to them. what in my role with volunteers and those i claim to invest in displays that kind of loyalty, connection, heart and compassion?

..but if you return to me.. ah, there it is. our second chance once again. You are the God of chances, You allow us to continue to attempt and continue to strive. You don't give up on us. we deserve to be scattered. but Your provision of grace overflows and allows us to regroup, to be gathered and brought to a place chosen by You. chosen by YOU! if we return to You.

You are the same God who heard nehemiah's prayer, You heard those words uttered by him and read aloud by me. You are the same God. please, i pray, for the same second chance. i want to regroup, to return to You. i don't want to be unfaithful, so please, i pray, show how to be faithful.

it took only You, with your great power and strong hand, to redeem us. only You can and only You did.

Father, grant me success. whatever that looks like to You, i want that and nothing more. nothing human, nothing wordly. nothing successful by anyone's standards but Yours. and my success may not even look like anyone else's. i doubt it ever could. for how could anyone else like me end up where i am? i am too blessed, far beyond any measure that i deserve or can even deal with outside of You?

i do pray, that you will be attentive to my prayer - the prayer of Your servant! but i also plead that You will make me attentive to Your words. that i will listen and know and act and delight in all of it.

my eyes and my throat tell me to cry, i am overhwlmed. maybe it is just the day i've experienced - such tumult and misdirected passion, it seems. i feel very strongly that my friend needs to reexamine his attitude, needs to listen clossely to You, needs to step back and look at what we have accomplished today up to the point where he began to refuse. i have been wrong most of my life, and it wouldn't surprise me to be wrong again, but my heart says he has so much pain that it is a deterrant in moving forward in Your work, in Your ministry. oh, please God, that You remove any stumbling blocks to Your path for all of us as a team and individually. may i stress, ALL of us.

and Lord if this job as it seems to be laid out for me, if that is Your goal, Your design for my service at this juncture of my life, i pray You will cement in my heart and lead me, guide me, equip me, and never leave me, but work through me with your neverending strength.

and provide, Lord, for any holes i may have to create to focus where You will have me serve. and empassion me where i need to be sold out, 100%.

thank You for the experiences You've given me to do what You've laid out for me to do. please don't let me disappoint You. please let me knock it out of the park - be ALL You have designed for me, don't let me hold back, don't let me get in Your way, don't let me rest, don't let me be lazy.

i have sorely disappointed You in the past. far too many times to want to revisit. but i can do something going forward. please, God, that i would honor You in my future, honor You with how i can use my past, and honor You in every present moment!

i love You. please help my life to show that whole-heartedly and in revolutionary ways. and with all i am.