for such a time as this

reading in esther this morning and i am struck by how much haman wants to feel important. after esther's first feast in chapter 5, he goes home to speak of how many sons he had, his riches and promotions and the favor he's found with the king, and how even esther invited only he and the king to her banquet. he needed to be seen as important.

i know that well.

and yet, with all of these thigs, he still allowed mordecai to be a cockleburr in his saddle (i'm sure they used that phrase even then). it tore him up that he wouldn't tremble before him.

he wanted mordecai to recognize his importance and to fear him for it.

but mordecai has his head on straight and refused to bow before any but his God.

priorities.

Father, i pray for priorities. i ask, Lord, that you provide me the wisdom to know when i am to submit and when i am to stand up and fight. i am at your feet. please keep me there. do not let me wander as i am so prone to do.

Lord.. with all the changes going on at work, at church, i ask You to give us guidance and a heart to do what is good and pleasing in Your sight. to do what it is You have designed us to do. whether it looks important to others or not. just that we may serve You - that is our goal.

please forgive me for the many times i've sought the praise of men over your own. please forgive me and teach me, humble me, to seek only to please you. to recognize only your praise. that the praise of men would appear to me as empty and meaningless when aimed at me, and that it rightfully belongs to You.

thank you for the story of esther. her obedience for the law and for her cousin, as well as her passion for her people and for what is right, they are a great lesson and comfort to me. please give me insight to whatever treasures You may have for me in Your Word.

thank you for giving me such freedom to read the bible in the open, that i do not have to hide my faith. with such freedom, why do i not wear it on my sleeve everywhere i go? why isn't it on my tongue in all my conversations?

please give me boldness. please remind me, constantly, that i am Yours and how far You have reached into the pit to save me.

thank You for Your son, thank You for Your spirit. may i never forget. never forget.

i ask Lord, that You order my day. give me my priorities, lay it out for me as You desire. and give me Your energy, Your intellect, Your creativity to carry them out. in Your name and for Your glory.

put down the sword

Father God - please show me the things that i rely on to 'save myself'.. things i do that ultimately add up to a hill of beans. my efforts don't cut it and we both know it.

please display those things to me. things that - perhaps You may still want me to do, but without the attitude or haughty behavior behind them.

i want to do only what is of You, and that i would die to myself.

i am crucified with Christ. nevertheless i live. yet not i, but Christ liveth in me. and the life which i know live in the flesh, i live by the faith of the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me

God - i pray You will fill me up with You, so much so that i start looking more and more like You everyday, and less and less like me. that people i know well would look more closely at me and say, 'you look different', 'have you changed?'

please reveal to me the things that i need to lay down before You and humbly ask for Your forgiveness. i want to know what to leave behind from this moment on, and i pray for the strength to do it, and the love for You that i would never take it up again.

my pride.. i lay that at Your feet.
my critical behavior.. Lord it is Yours.
my selfishness.. please cast that from me.
my desire to look good/smart.. i yearn to care only what You think.

Father please, deliver me from these things. continue to show me what is not of You so i can shed those from me. help me to walk forward, in Your steps. help me to lean on You and not myself or others. help me to know You and to love You.

give me a glimpse of Your glory, Lord. i want to fall to the ground in awe of You. allow me as much as i can humanly endure, or let me die seeing Your glory. what a way to go.

i'm sorry for my view of You bringing You to such lowly terms and thoughts in my mind. i know You are grander than anything i can imagine. i know You are greater than my thoughts can endure. give me a greater view of You so that i can love You more and praise You more and that i can continue to complete my worship of You.

chip away what doesn't look like You in my life.